We might know our “selves” best, but do our “selves” always know what’s best for us?
I’m exhausted. And not because of the numerous lengths I’ve done in the pool (25), but because of the resistance and tantrums I have had to overcome to actually do it. Let me explain!
Me: Right, time to go swimming.
My “Self”: I can’t be bothered.
Me: I know, I’m tired but it will do me good.
My “Self”: I went two days ago, surely I don’t have to go again so soon?!
Me: (Gently and cajoling) Come on, just get on with it. I know I’ll feel better when I’ve done it.
My “Self”: I’ll just walk further tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, but I won’t, will I…
My “Self”: I JUST CAN’T BE BOTHERED!
Me: One step at a time, just put my stuff in my bag.
My “Self”: Hmmmphfffff!
Stomp, stomp, stomp on the stairs, metaphorical door slamming etc. etc. Finally, I’m cycling to the gym. It’s only a mile away but it’s windy…
My “Self”: ARGH! I SHOULD HAVE DRIVEN! WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS ANYWAY…? GRRRRRRR!
Me: OK, enough now! (very firmly but with some sympathy) I’m going to the gym, I’m going to swim at least 20 lengths and I KNOW I will feel better for it!
Half an hour and 25 lengths later, relaxing in the steam room…
Me: Fantastic, I feel great! I’m so glad I did that!
My “Self”: Fuck off…
Seriously, my teenagers have got nothing compared with my “self”! And like teenagers, sometimes dealing with me is exhausting!
I actually quite like my “self”. She can be demanding and contrary and cantankerous and arsy, but she’s full of life and mischief and, just occasionally, she does incredible things, which make me really proud. I am as happy to be by my “self” as I am to be in company, and for that I am very grateful. I know far too many people who aren’t! I have a friend who once confided in me that being by her “self” was like being with her worst enemy. It made me want to cry.
Sometimes you may have to give your “self” a good talking to, like I eventually had to this evening! But I also encourage you to be kind and look after your “self”. It may sometimes take all the skills of an international peace negotiator (empathy, compassion, patience, perspective taking, insight, and more patience). But we take our “selves” with us wherever we go, so it is crucial that we learn how to live with our “selves” as harmoniously as humanly possible.
Good luck!
Read more about Professor Jo Clarke and her work in resilience and mental health.
